Wednesday, March 21, 2012

how to make me blush


Lunchtime poll: How does the first sex scene of a romance novel get written?

Let your imagination run wild. Go on. I'll wait.

Whatever you just imagined, it's probably wrong.

Here's what *really* happens.

1. I have to do this. I can do this. The windows are open, the night air intoxicating and bright with the possibility of spring. The soundtrack is on. I know exactly where this scene is going, and I AM READY.


2. Whoa. Dude. This is really hard. I mean, no. Not hard. I mean, it's not floppy. It's... difficult. The characters are right there, on the cusp. But they keep yapping. Too much witty repartee. Too much flirting. Get down to it, y'all.

DO IT. NOW.




3. ARRRRRGH. STUBBORN JERKS. WHY WON'T YOU JUST... YOU KNOW... DO THAT? Sigh. Something is missing. Something... wine. Yes. New bottle of Malbec. That'll help.




4. Okay. Almost there. Egad, y'all are all wordy and stuff. I DON'T KNOW ANYONE LIKE THAT. When are you gonna get around to the good parts? Jeesh. Where'd my wine go? Another glass, maybe?


5. Oh, okay. Now I remember how that works. On to page 253!

*

Why do I mention this? Because I've secured my first speaking gig. It's not specifically about writing sex scenes, because I'm not prepared to stand around and blush at a roomful (hopefully!) of people. No, it's called It Was a Dark and Steamy Night, and it's my attempt at condensing the dirty secrets of the writing and publishing process into one entertaining hour of me yapping in a corset and tiny hat. If you'll be in the Atlanta area April 14-15, come on out to STEAMFest Atlanta for a spectacular steampunk festival featuring musical acts, dramatic performances, panels, exhibitions, speakers, movies, and some very rockin' DJs.

And if you're lucky, at some point, I'll blush. A lot.

It's pretty much inevitable.

*


4 comments:

ChaosMandy said...

I find that sex scenes are hard to write! If it makes you feel better, you did a great job with the sex scenes in Wicked As They Come!

delilah s. dawson said...

You know, that does make me feel a lot better! =) Although the Malbec helps, too...

Pinafores and Pinwheels said...

Awesome!!! Congrats!

kelly the nut said...

Hey, I wrote a sexy novella (never went anywhere with it - maybe it was awful, but who knows) and found myself beet-red while writing the sexy parts. I'm so glad Real Writers have this problem too!