Monday, February 27, 2012

a morning with t.rex

5am

t.rex: I WAN OUT. I AWAKE. I HUNGY. G.I. JOE DA MAN.

me: It's 5am. It's night time. Go back to sleep.

t.rex: NOOOOOOOOO!

me: *collapses on his bed and falls into coma*

t.rex: *lays down, pats my head, rubs snotty nose all over my face crooning the theme song to G.I. Joe until 6am*

*intermission*

9:31am

me: I should probably consider showering. I smell like con.

t.rex: I WANNA WATCH A MOOBIE.

me: Okay. Which one?

t.rex: Rapunzel Transformers She-Ra He-Man Shrek with Puss in Boots Sky High.

me: Choose one.

t.rex: NO I WATCH ALL DA MOOBIES.

me: Choose one, or no movie.

t. rex: PUNZEL PUSS.

me: Okay. Here's Tangled.

t.rex: NOOOOOOOOO I WANT SKY HIGH!

me: Too bad. You get Tangled.

t.rex: *has fit*

me: *puts in movie, waits for him to settle down and become catatonic*

t.rex: (5 minutes after start of movie) I HUNGY.

me: It's 9:30. You've already had two breakfasts. You can have a cheese stick or a banana.

t.rex: NO DAT'S GOSE. I WANNA BAR.

me: You can't have a bar for breakfast. You get one bar a day, when Sister gets home from school, or else you turn into an annoying little granola bar junkie who poops sand.

t.rex: I WAN TWO BARS.

me: You can have some toast.

t.rex: I DON WAN TOAST. I JUST WAN BUTTER.

me: You cannot eat a stick of butter.

t.rex: DEN I WAN A SPOON FULL OF JELLY.

me: You are the most ridiculous human being I've ever met, and you're only 3.

t.rex: NO I NOT. I AMB FIVE!!!!!!

me: Awesome.

t.rex: ALSO I AM PUSS IN BOOTS DUKE AND YOU ARE KITTY SOFT PAWS SCARLET. *gives best hug in the world* I WUB YOU, EVIL KITTY SOFT PAWS SCARLET.

me: I love you, too, Evil Puss in Boots Duke.

t.rex: AND SISTER IS LADY JADE AND DADDY IS EVIL FLINT AND KIKI IS HE-MAN'S CAT.

me: Wait. What are you wearing?

t.rex: I BEING HE-MAN. HE DUDDN'T WEAR PANTS. HE JUST WEAR UNDERWEAR AND GALOSHES AND HAS A GUN. *gesticulates at crotch like I'm a moron*

me: I think you are deeply confused.

t.rex: NO I IZZN'T! I AM HE-MAN! BY THE POWER OF GREYSKULL, G.I. JOE IS DERE! A WEEL AMERICA HERO! G.I. JOE DA MAAAAAN! *charges off in Thomas the Tank Engine underpants and blue monster galoshes with a pistol holster around his waist and a Clone Trooper gun in hand*

me: Well, maybe I can get something done now...

*CRASH IN OTHER ROOM*

me: *sigh* Maybe not.

*

8 comments:

ChaosMandy said...

*L* Sounds like a morning with my daughter - 3 year olds are interesting!

Pinafores and Pinwheels said...

so awesome!

Shaunells Hair said...

Darling. I love the conversation. I need to write more of mine down, they are priceless! Have a great one!

Simply Valorie said...

hahaha. Children. So looking forward to that one day.

Anonymous said...

Fantastic!

Now we want videos (or at least audios). Urfa especially wants videos.

Tny8 said...

This post made me think of hobbits because he had second breakfast. And I can picture a hobbit eating an entire stick of butter unless there were lactose intolerance issues not addressed in the movie.

Jon Plsek said...

You may want to look into getting that kid's capslock button fixed. I think it's stuck.

delilah s. dawson said...

He's usually dialed to 11.