Monday, January 10, 2011

SNOWPOCALYPSE 2011

SNOWPOCALYPSE 2011: A timeline.

10:32pm: Shut up, Twitter, with your Snowpocalypse warnings! It's dry and dark outside. There is no snow. YOU LIE!

11pm: OH MY STARS, IT'S LIKE GOD'S BUILD-A-BEAR! THERE'S FLUFFY CRAP EVERYWHERE! IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE!


11:02pm: I put on a fuzzy pullover and some wedges and run outside in the dark, cackling and throwing snowballs at my own windows.

4:30am: t.rex wakes up.

5:00am: t.rex besmirches himself with filth. I clean it up in the dark.

6:00am: t.rex cries again. I decide I'm going mad.

6:30am: I put the biscuit in t.rex's room and lock them in and proceed to have a marvelous dream in which my bed is in a lush, green field under a flowering dogwood, and the flowers are glowing in the moonlight.

6:32am: Dr. Krog wakes me up to listen to the children laughing sweetly about diapers on their heads. I growl and try to get back into the dream about sleeping.

7:13am: I give up, and we all wake up for breakfast.

8:30am: SNOW TIME. I begin to dress the children.

9:00am: Entire family is dressed. It's going to be great! We take our first steps outside into 6 inches of fluffy white snow, the most I've seen since the blizzard of 1994.



9:01am: Yay, snow!



9:01:32am: What is this marvelous stuff?



9:01:53am: Wow. It's deep. And cold. And sticky. But we'll have an adventure!




9:02:15am: Time to go sledding!



9:03:02am: Huh. That didn't work as well as we thought it would. Box = not that aerodynamic, actually. But I'm going to make a SNOW ANGEL!



9:03:56am: Holy God, that is almighty cold. And it's all sticking to me. And I can't feel my hands. Or my ass.




9:04:06am: Let's get the heck out of here. RETREAT! RETREAT!



9:04:11am: And leave destruction in our wake, like REAL AMERICANS!



9:15am: After stripping 3 layers of clothes, chucking 2 pounds of snow on the wood floors, and having a Full Family Whine Fest regarding the fact that SNOW is quite COLD, we settle down for hot chocolate and snow ice cream. Much more our speed.

Thanks, SNOWPOCALYPSE. It was a great four minutes.

1 comment:

Mrs.B said...

...the line about God's Build-a-Bear...cracked me up! I have been living knee deep in this stuff since Dec 4th is seems...LOL.

great blog!