Monday, November 1, 2010

f the p

biscuit: Mommy, I made you some pie. (presents me with a puzzle piece on a book)

me: Thank you very much, but I don't like pie.

biscuit: It's the most sweet and delicious apple pie EVER MADE.

me: No thank you. I do not care for pie.

biscuit: (switches puzzle piece for wooden toast) Okay. Here's some banana pie.

me: You eat it, dude. I really don't like pie.

biscuit: BUT IT'S NICE AND HOT AND COOKED.

me: YES, THAT'S WHY I HATE IT. I DON'T LIKE PIE. I DON'T LIKE HOT FRUIT. I NEVER WILL. BUT THANK YOU ANYWAY.

biscuit: EAT. THE. PIE.

me: NOT. GOING. TO. HAPPEN.

biscuit: But I cooked it just for you, and you're supposed to eat things you don't like.

me: I appreciate the thought. You get full points for thoughtfulness and cooking prowess. But I have never liked pie. And I never will. Ever. And the whole 'eat things you don't like' means healthy vegetables, not sugary crud. No one ever has to eat pie if they don't want to. Just broccoli and sweet potatoes.

biscuit: (shoves wooden toast at my mouth) Eat the pie. It's good for you.

me: (pursing lips closed, words muffled) No, I utterly refuse.

biscuit: You are not being very good.

me: I'm not the one forcing pie on innocent people who just want to finish a cup of coffee on Monday morning. Go make some fake cake or some lamb pasanda, if you want me to fake eat it.

biscuit: I don't want to make those things. And you will have to go to bed without dinner if you don't eat this pie.

me: Fine. I choose starvation over pie.

biscuit: You can't have any yogurt, either.

me: That's awesome, BECAUSE I HATE YOGURT, TOO.

biscuit: (sighs) I just wish you'd eat the pie.

me: You and Sara Lee, both, dude.

8 comments:

Jewels said...

LOL. Poor buscuit. After she slaved over a hot fake stove and everything just for you.

Anonymous said...

Slaved over a hot fake stove? Naw, I'm sure she got it at fake Boston Market or something. She keeps Star Wars figures in her fake oven.

Anonymous said...

You like red velvet cake...

Anonymous said...

I more than "like" red velvet cake. We're *involved*.

~lazy d.

veganf said...

FINALLY someone else who doesn't like pie or fruit desserts!!!
(I do like yogurt though.)
Ya just hafta pretend.

jarvenpa said...

Okay, Biscuit just has to come live with me. I love apple pie.

And even if I did not, I would have said "oh, I usually hate, hate, hate apple pie, but this pie, with the special fairy sprinkles and the unicorn poop on top is delish, yum, yum, yum,yum"

Or something like that.

On second thought, I could never keep up with your B.

And the word vetification is fatts, which is doubtless what you get when you eat imaginary pie with unicorn poops.

(which are yummy, of course).

Anonymous said...

Yeah, Doc Krog said I should have just eaten it. But you know what? I DON'T LIKE BEING TOLD WHAT TO DO. And I hate pie so much that I wasn't willing to waver.

I flat out don't believe that kids should get their way all the time. Life fights back, for pete's sake. And it gave her a chance to stretch her reasoning abilities. If she had been willing to compromise and offer me something else, I would have been happy to meet her halfway. But me and the biscuit are flat out unruly.

In the words of Austin Powers' Goldmember, THAT THE WAY (UH-HUH UH-HUH) WE LIKE IT (KC and the Sunshine Band.)

~lazy d.

urfaqhesse said...

i like that conversation :) it made me happy face