Monday, August 16, 2010

dear teacher: heaven help you


I'm filling out forms for preschool. Most of the questions make sense for my nearly 4-year-old. But I'm relatively baffled on how to answer for my 20-month-old son.

Here goes.

Child's greatest strengths:

* pooping at inopportune times
* eating half an avocado in 37 seconds
* sitting on the pink potty for an hour without producing a single drop
* laying on the cat
* looking cute in old man pants
* saying the word "Mommy" more than any other living thing in the history of the world
*giving really, really, fantastically awesome hugs

My child needs encouragement in:

*sleeping past 6am, preferably after 7am, or at least AFTER SUNRISE
*not poking his broccoli into the hole in his booster seat
*trigonometry
*translating Goethe from the original German
*keeping track of sippy cups

My goals for my child's school year include:

*you watching him for six hours per week so I can rest and write and stuff
*no, really, that's mostly it

Relate previous preschool or childcare experiences:

*staying with grandparents WHILE I GO SEE SCOTT PILGRIM THIS WEEK, PLEASE GOD.
*watching Tom & Jerry while older children sit on him at LA Fitness
*spending afternoons with a magnificent 12-year-old mother's helper who went back to school and left me utterly bereft, BEREFT, I TELL YOU

September, you unruly wench, I must demand you arrive immediately.

7 comments:

Katherine C said...

Haha, he sounds so cute :-)

Virginia Valerie said...

aw, this made me laugh. He's getting so big! I can help him with the translating Goethe, but I'm pretty clueless on the other stuff, especially the pooping.

Aislinn said...

My goals for my child's school year include:

*you watching him for six hours per week so I can rest and write and stuff
*no, really, that's mostly it


Yeah, that sums up my educational goals for my son, too. :)

K A B L O O E Y said...

Maybe you might ask that the big kids not sit on him at daycare. It's really a reasonable request.

Delilah S. Dawson said...

Yeah, we quit LA Fitness. It went like this:

me: Is there something the kids could watch besides Tom & Jerry?

childcare worker: Oh, it's fine. My daughter asked her pediatrician, and he said that if they watched it all day, it might be bad for them, but an hour's okay. It won't make them violent.

me: Great for your grandkids. I'm still not okay with it.

childcare worker: Then we will lock your children in a small room while the other kids watch Tom & Jerry.

me: Um, no.

biscuit: Mommy, what would happen if I hit t.rex with a frying pan?

me: SMELL YA LATER, CABBIE!

veganf said...

Now, do like me, and ACTUALLY write that stuff on the preschool paperwork! They'll love you. ;-)

Alice Istanbul said...

That was funny :) I haven't seen Tom and Jerry in decades, but it can't be much different than the Itchy and Scratchy show, right? Not a good idea.