Thursday, July 29, 2010

sweaty, sweaty serendipity

I'm angry at my gym.

Because they canceled belly dance. Because their classes are always late or moved around. Because the whole place smells like a boys' dorm room, yet there are people in gloves constantly cleaning on whatever machine you want to use. Because LA Fitness thrives on a culture of "It's not my job". And mostly because they force my kids to watch Tom & Jerry and then treat me like a moron when I complain.

So I thought maybe I'd shred again.

The only problem, besides the fact that shredding is painful and horrible?

I couldn't find Jillian anywhere.


Places I looked:

* Every computer in the house.
* Every bookshelf, drawer, cubbyhole, and crystal champagne chiller.
* Every farmhouse, whorehouse, henhouse, and house of pies.
* Every DVD case that I knew had been downstairs in the last year.
* Every CD case in the house and car, because yes, I still like CDs. And Super Mario 3.
* All over the garage, EVEN THOUGH THERE ARE CAMEL CRICKETS.
* Every place I would conceivably hide the Shred DVD, thinking, "Oh, look! It's Jillian! I'll want to shred again someday, so I'll put it somewhere SAFE that I won't FORGET."

No luck.

It was making me crazy. I really wanted to work out! I even tried Netflix's PLAY NOW list of exercise videos, but it was ridiculous. Here's a warning: If it's labeled HOT DANCE JAMS, you can pretty much bet on three skinny white girls stepping back and forth to elevator music in yoga gear and saying, "Let's really throw down, ladies!"



So last night, after Dr. Krog went unconscious during episode 2 of Supernatural (hint: THE WENDIGO DID IT), I decided that I needed to watch something magical and fun that wouldn't cause Dr. Krog to sleep-ridicule me, which is what happens if I try watching costume dramas or vampire movies. I went through our entire DVD collection searching for just the right mix of entertaining and I'll be asleep in fifteen minutes.

And then I found it. Harry Potter 4: Everyone Looks Like the Beatles and There's a Dance.

I opened the case, and guess what was inside?



That's right. JILLIAN.

She was just hangin' out with the Harry Potter gang, probably urging the Weasley brothers to up their cardio and build up those noodle arms.

So this afternoon, when t.rex goes to sleep, I'll be shredding.

5 comments:

Spotted Sparrow said...

Check out http://www.exercisetv.tv the next time you lose Jillian. I use the free workouts when I need some variety. Some are crap, but some are surprisingly good.

stephanie constantin said...

I'm going to start being tortured by Jillian when I get back in town...I iz scared!!

Delilah S. Dawson said...

Yup. I'm sore today, but in the weirdest places. Calves and stomach? Really, Jillian?

urfaqhesse said...

Harry Potter always has what you're looking for.

Nicole said...

um, just how many whorehouses do you have in your house?