Wednesday, April 21, 2010

itsy bitsy teeny weeny EAT SOMETHING.

I was going to do a hi-larious post making fun of the current women's swimsuit trends at www.neimanmarcus.com, but I kept getting angry and shouting at the models.

First, go here, and scroll down.

Do you see what I'm talking about? And no, not the fact that most of the suits look like something from an Olivia Newton John vs. Denise Richards cage match.

The problem is that most of the models look like this:


In my mind, that girl is starving. My 3-year-old is looking over my shoulder as I type, and she asked, "Mommy, what's wrong with that lady?"

And one day, she's going to be in the dressing room of SuperTarget, trying on the popular, holographic, antigravity bathing suits of 2018, and she's going to grab a handful of pudge and look in the mirror and think, "I'm not thin enough."

Because "fashion", whatever that is, tells us that thin is beautiful.

Thin.

Skeletally thin. Not muscular. Not svelte. But so thin I can count her ribs. So thin that her thighs swoop in off the bone. So thin that in this bathing suit, she makes me think of Ghandi's loincloth.

Let me find the curviest, softest, most rounded model on the page.


What is she? A size 4, maybe, after eating at a Mexican buffet and while retaining water?

And, of course, that swimsuit is by Spanx, meaning that it was constructed specifically to smooth out all those pesky trouble spots, like breasts and hips.

I'm not saying thin is bad. I'm not saying fat is good. I'm not saying thin or fat is good or bad. I'm saying that healthy is good and extremes are bad and THAT GIRL LOOKS LIKE A SKELETON AND I WANT TO GIVE HER A SANDWICH WITH EXTRA GUACAMOLE.*

I could rant for days on this topic, but I'm going to sum it all up in one sentence to The Man:

ZOMG-please-celebrate-realistic-women-and-stop-supporting-unhealthy-lifestyles!

Off to eat an apple and relish the way my bum looks in jeans.

*I'm also saying, for the record, that season 2 of True Blood needs to come out, like, yesterday.**


**Although I'm not happy at how they slimmed Sookie down. She was a size 10 in the books, and in the show, she's teeny little size 2 Anna Paquin. Vampire Bill wants some meat on them thar bones, y'all!

15 comments:

Mrs. Beer said...

I know! The main reason I don't read celebrity mags is because I feel like shit when I finish reading them. I wish the standard was 'healthy', too, not 'skeletal'. Makes me angry to know that my sweet daughter will someday feel bad about herself because society has warped her view of herself. Its our job to set the tone of reality!! Great post.

Jennifer said...

I got the Land's End swimsuit catalog the other day at home and the models looked real. Still thin, but more like fit, not skeletal. I was shocked. And happy. Made me really want to buy a bathing suit and I promise that is not something I need on my body.

miss. chief said...

Yeah...there's no such thing as 'beautiful' and 'healthy' together in the fashion world. You have to starve yourself and be a cokehead to be a model (if what I've learned from stereotypes and TV is true)...yuck. That's so messed up. And no matter how much I tell myself it's messed up, ol' size ten chiefy feels terrible about herself after looking at that website. *sigh*

magicdarts said...

I despair at this over skinny obsession, surely like me , most men like curves, and most women want to feel comfortable in their bodies, so why oh why do we have to put up with this fashion nonsense!

Delilah S. Dawson said...

Also, if the bathing suits look stupid on these size -4 models, they're going to look pretty stupid on the rest of us. I'm amazed that the designers and marketers are using these images to get sales.

I mean, aesthetically? So not pretty. Oy.

urfaqhesse said...

I don't look at those things. I have enough trouble not hating my body some mornings. And really, what is that but just another way for women to feel like they're not enough?
BUT i have managed to get my husband to think differently about curves, so I consider that an accomplishment.

There was this awesome magazing for a hot minute called Mode magazine for "normal" women. Sadly, it didn't last.

urfaqhesse said...

and how awesome that the Biscuit recognizes illness when she sees it :)

Katherine Malone said...

That first picture is absolutely ridiculous. That they felt a girl with ribs showing was an appropriate model for a bathing suit is just sad! We should all just want to be healthy and fit - not starved and bony :)

Alice Istanbul said...

Visible ribs and hip bones = ick. Poor lollipop heads. They make me sad. I do like muscly, fit models though (sans breast implants, which are equally ridiculous, IMO).

Mom in Heels said...

This makes me happy that I don't have daughters... and sad that I feel fat when I look in the mirror which is absolutely irrational and absurd.

Heather said...

If your arms are that thin, can you swim? Or will your hands just snap off the first time you try to pull yourself through the water?

Look, I know I'm not at a healthy weight. I'm working on it. But skeletal isn't healthy. If I can count the bones in your body, you need some muscle on you. Go eat some protein and carbs. Now. Before your heart gives up trying to keep you alive, you anorectic skinbag. Because you're sick, and it's killing you, and I won't let you kill my nieces and my sisters to follow your example (or my daughters if I'm blessed to have them).

Nicole said...

It's easy to look that thin when you're 12 and haven't hit puberty (re: some of those models). There are so many things wrong with that site I don't know where to begin. Since when do bathing suits cost the same as my entire monthly grocery budget?

Delilah S. Dawson said...

Dude, if the Biscuit looks like that at 12, we're homeschooling. Even if she hates me. Squig!

Stellaice said...

Swimsuit season is bad enough for the average woman. When your a little on the "chubby" side, like myself, it makes you wonder if you should just hide under a muumuu and call it a day.
I strive to be healthy and happy with a few curves thrown in for good measure.
I don't think bones are beautiful.

Celita said...

Oh, this post reminds me of a news story that was on a few days ago. Apparently a few networks banned a Lane Bryant lingerie commercial because it was "too racy" even though they'll air Victoria's Secret stuff everyday.

I can't wait for the day when every body type is considered equal.