Saturday, March 13, 2010

shut yo' mouth.

Things That No One Should Ever Say to My Child Unless They Want a Recycled Strawberry Diaper to the Face

1. Your mommy needs to buy you some socks!
Seriously, Cap'n Judgment. He's in his carseat in the back of my car while you whisk my older kid out of the car and into preschool. There is a pile of socks next to him, and he's chewing on a shoe. Let's put the blame where it's due-- children who like to remove footwear, and shoe companies that don't provide staplers.

2. If your mommy doesn't get you out of that carrier, you'll never learn to walk!
Lady, if I put this kid down, he'd be trying to lick the wall socket, then he'd run across the room and stage dive off that ladder. The carrier may be the only reason he lives to see 2.

3. Your peanut butter sandwich will be out in just a minute, honey.
C'mon, guys. You can make a grilled vegetable panini and soup faster than you can slap peanut butter on Wonderbread? Kids' food should come first. Period.

There's more, but it's 8:13, which means I have 2 minutes left. To be continued, because bossy old women never rest. There's always some small child through whom a frazzled mother can be lectured.

10 comments:

Jennifer said...

I've never understood why they don't bring the kid food out right away and why they make it so freakin' hot.

Maggie S said...

...because it takes a village.

Cannot wait to read the rest. You are so funny I nearly cry every time I read your posts.

Tracie said...

They should always bring out the kid food first. What is wrong with these restaurant people?

MamaBear said...

I liked the old guy several months ago who told me that Jacob would be bow legged if I kept in the carrier too long..moron!

Aunt Kim Possible said...

One of the secrets we have found for ordering children's food is to know ahead of time what the child will be eating and order it as soon as we sit down if not while we are waiting for our table. Then it DOES come out first. LOL!

Fairly Odd Mother said...

Try homeschooling. I get all sorts of helpful advice, and plenty of scorn!, when that little factoid comes out.

I swear kids like having cold toes. Maybe it goes back to the days before socks.

urfaqhesse said...

People suck; you're an awesome mom

Jenn Darlin' said...

1. Agreed.
2. Agreed.
3. Agreed.

4. Those people probably don't have kids and if they do, those kids are running around without socks or shoes, licking light sockets thinking it's food.

Wendy said...

There's really not a whole lot worse than how judgmental people feel free to be with mothers. Grrrr arrggh.

I remember, back in the day, having Very Strong Opinions about what constituted proper childrearing... and then deciding as soon as I had one of my own that I would never again question other people's decisions on that front unless they were imminently and obviously life-threatening.

Sorry you're having to deal with busybodies!

msprimadonna67 said...

It's always amazing to me when restaurants bring the adults' food out before the kids' food. Seriously, it seems like a no-brainer!