Wednesday, March 17, 2010

continue the mouth-shutting

(Things you shouldn't say to me, especially after 6 total hours of sleep in the last 3 days)

4. Oh, he's got a cough!
Really? I didn't notice that when I was up with him for 7 hours last night.

5. Oh, he's got a diaper rash!
Really? I didn't notice that when I changed his diaper 9 times a day. And I'm not putting 4 different kinds of diaper rash ointment on it and emailing his pediatrician and letting him run around the house naked and pee on things to get some air on his baboonesque fundament.

Thank God you told me.

6. You daughter said that she was hungry at school today.
I'm sorry that the shoebox of oatmeal, the granola bar, and the two cups of milk she had for breakfast didn't fill her up for three hours. Or maybe it's the fact that the other parents keep sending in cupcakes, cookies, and donuts that makes her ask you for a snack every 10 minutes.

7. Does she have a coat? Because it's cold today.
Yes, actually, it's what's making that tote bag in your hand so bulgey. I understand that you're a thousand years old and think that children should wear ski suits for any weather under a balmy 65 degrees, but I think she'll make it the 10 feet to the door without getting frostbite, I promise.

8. Sugar won't kill her, you know.
Apparently you've never heard of diabetes. More short term, though, she's sensitive to sugar and artificial coloring, so that lollipop you want to give her is going to punish my entire family for three hours and she jumps up and down like a Jack Russell on crack, shrieking, unable to control herself. Plus, she gets excited about a Saltine cracker, so the Blow Pop is a bit much.

9. When are you having another?
NEVER.

Sorry to be a little negative in the last two posts, friends, but I'm running on about 25% of the sleep I need to be functional. Both kids have horrible coughs with no other symptoms, and t.rex has a yeast rash and is teething. I'm lucky I can type in sentences, actually.

Coming up when I can think again: Roller Rink Round-up; subtitle: Everything I Need to Know I Learned at Sparkles. Because yes, Virginia, adults can and do roller skate.

10 comments:

Alice Istanbul said...

People who speak without thinking...do they have any idea how a-hole-ish they sound? Lately I've been getting "are you having any more kids? no? don't you feel bad that Grace will be an only child?". Makes me clench that right fist of mine.

urfaqhesse said...

I love you and you are an amazing mom.
Also, people feed their kids way too much crap at school. Sugar addiction starts young. Why don't people want you kid to not eat sugar? b/c they feel as though it's a reflection on them. Stupid people.

hotpants™ said...

I wish other people (grandparents & husband) would understand the artificial coloring thing. Red dye makes my son go crazy. How do I know? BECAUSE I'M HIS MOM!

Jamie said...

Ohhhhh that doesn't sound so great.... I hope all gets better soon!!!

Christine's Arts said...

LOL I love how you can be funny through a rather normal day of moms with a couple of kids in tow. Yes, it's normal to want to pull your hair out for days on end.... years...

Car Audio Stereo said...

This post sounds good. Thanks!

Servant of the Most High said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Dame said...

OMG! I know I am a nanny for 6 children and 5 are in school... And it seems like everyday the older 3 come home saying "well my teacher said" drives me NUTS! And the younger 2 have notebooks that the teacher can write you in... Once they asked if they could have H's Electric wheel chair at school only (she is complete immobile from neck down) I wanted to give the response of,O sure you keep the chair for the 3 half days she is there and while she is home well we will just make her lay on the floor all day... How fun for her! Some people!

Jennifer Bohrer said...

We've never met, but here is a warm pat on the back. You are doing a great job. You do know best. Someday your kids will look back and feel grateful for the TLC you gave and give it back to you. really

just saying said...

hysterical! so true...finally a mother that GETS it!!