(Things you shouldn't say to me, especially after 6 total hours of sleep in the last 3 days)
4. Oh, he's got a cough!
Really? I didn't notice that when I was up with him for 7 hours last night.
5. Oh, he's got a diaper rash!
Really? I didn't notice that when I changed his diaper 9 times a day. And I'm not putting 4 different kinds of diaper rash ointment on it and emailing his pediatrician and letting him run around the house naked and pee on things to get some air on his baboonesque fundament.
Thank God you told me.
6. You daughter said that she was hungry at school today.
I'm sorry that the shoebox of oatmeal, the granola bar, and the two cups of milk she had for breakfast didn't fill her up for three hours. Or maybe it's the fact that the other parents keep sending in cupcakes, cookies, and donuts that makes her ask you for a snack every 10 minutes.
7. Does she have a coat? Because it's cold today.
Yes, actually, it's what's making that tote bag in your hand so bulgey. I understand that you're a thousand years old and think that children should wear ski suits for any weather under a balmy 65 degrees, but I think she'll make it the 10 feet to the door without getting frostbite, I promise.
8. Sugar won't kill her, you know.
Apparently you've never heard of diabetes. More short term, though, she's sensitive to sugar and artificial coloring, so that lollipop you want to give her is going to punish my entire family for three hours and she jumps up and down like a Jack Russell on crack, shrieking, unable to control herself. Plus, she gets excited about a Saltine cracker, so the Blow Pop is a bit much.
9. When are you having another?
Sorry to be a little negative in the last two posts, friends, but I'm running on about 25% of the sleep I need to be functional. Both kids have horrible coughs with no other symptoms, and t.rex has a yeast rash and is teething. I'm lucky I can type in sentences, actually.
Coming up when I can think again: Roller Rink Round-up; subtitle: Everything I Need to Know I Learned at Sparkles. Because yes, Virginia, adults can and do roller skate.