Sunday, January 31, 2010

bacony bacony bacon

oatmeal
ain't the real deal
and grits
are the pits
ham is a sham
that i don't
want to cram
and salad gives me the sh*ts
i don't want no cereal
i don't want no rice
pizza takes forever
although it'd be nice
what's a girl to do
when dinner time is through
but her Krog needs a sammich
so he won't be blue?

there's only one answer
and i promise i'm not fakin'
the answer, dear friends,
is BACON BACON BACON

BACON sammiches for one!
BACON sammiches for all!
BACON sammiches for Liz, Jerry, Lisa, and Paul
BACON in the morning!
BACON for lunch!
BACON BACON BACON
for a Krog to munch!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've just been subjected to the following conversation:

Dr. Krog: Did you make me a sammich!

me: Poof! You're a sammich!

Dr. Krog: Sweet petunia, you're 32 now. Time to get a new joke.

me: If it doesn't have a sticker, does that mean it's free?

Dr. Krog: Shut up and make me a sammich, woman.

me: I made bacon for you. 5 delicious strips of bacon.

Dr. Krog: That's not a sammich.

me: It can be with only 30 seconds of your precious time.

Dr. Krog: See, I asked for a sammich, and you said you needed five minutes, and it's been ten minutes, and I'd like my sammich now.

me: See, I spent all day trying to do something important while two small people demanded food in five minute intervals. Now I want to do something for MYSELF, which is BLOGGING about not making your dinner.

Dr. Krog: Please don't talk to me like a child. *I* can talk to *you* like you're a child, but you don't talk to me like I'm a child, mkay?

me: Can I talk to you like you're a douchebag?

Dr. Krog: Yes, but only if you make my sammich.

So I'm going to type real slow and hope he makes a sammich before I get up, because as much as I like eating bacon, I hate touching it. And then we get to watch Buffy.

It's a good, bacon-rich life.


Note: Conversation, as usual, is about 40% fictional.

7 comments:

Jess @ Frugal with a Flourish said...

Please tell me that you said "can I talk to you like our a douchebag?" I need to believe that SOMEONE has said that!

BTW - you almost made me snort wine out my nose with that one!

RosyRevolver said...

aaaaaaaaaaaaah.

Now I feel better.

:)

stephanie constantin said...

I want a bacon sammich...sounds yummy...

Delilah S. Dawson said...

I did say that, 100%, word for word. Then we both erupted in giggles.

miss. chief said...

I would have busted out a "bitch please" and then it would have been a perfect conversation.

P.S. Somehow this beautiful poem made me miss bacon a lot. (I'm one of those non-meat-eaty-people)

Tracie said...

hi.lar.i.ous!

Now....I am wanting some bacon!

Sam said...

Hello there.. i'm writing to say that I think I love you..... and your poetic ponderings. You are one girl after me own heart. I do sandwiches on my blog, nothing serious, but lots of fun. I am now following you. Keri (a.k.a. Sam)