Picture me, Dr. Krog, and my dad sitting on a couch, spaced out on TV while the children rocket around the room. My dad only watches 5 movies, and since neither Gladiator, League of their Own, Lonesome Dove, or Shawshank Redemption was on, it was King Arthur.
dad: Poor Keira Knightley.
me: What do you mean, "poor Keira Knightly"? She's beautiful, thin, talented, rich, and has starred in loads of awesome movies. I have no pity for the girl. (pause) Oh, you mean her bosoms. Because you're a man.
dad: So, what would happen if she tried to breastfeed?*
me: It would work. It doesn't matter how much is under the hood, so long as there are headlights.
Dr. Krog: But the aftermath...
me: Yeah, it would be like Silly Putty.
dad: (involuntary shiver)
Dr. Krog: At least she has lots of money.
me: And I recently heard she won an award.
me: Yeah, she was elected president of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee.**
Dr. Krog and dad: (snickering like 11 year old boys)
me: (realize I have just said the word "titty" in front of my father and leave the room with a very red face)
It's funny, growing up.
*My father has said the word "breast" one other time in recorded history, at a Chinese Restaurant in 1993. It was the third most embarrassing moment of my life.
**No offense to my A-cup homies. I have a friend with A's so perky that women ask her to lift her shirt at playgroups. And then she does, and everyone is like, ooooooh, aaaaaaah. Like it's freakin' fireworks.