Monday, December 28, 2009

somebody call the toe truck!

You were right, internetz.


I have a spiral fracture of my 4th hobbit toe. The doctor is amazed I can walk. They gave me a prescription for Tramodal.

Well, actually, they gave an Indian gentleman who lives down the street a prescription for Tramodol, because my last name is not, in fact, Sinh. Good thing I didn't try to fill that Rx, huh?

My doc-in-the-box is way sharp.

But I saw the X-ray, and it don't lie. My toe is ker-SNAP.

So I have to buddy tape my toes for three weeks and wear an attractive orthopedic moonboot. They recommended crutches, but honestly, what sort of whiner-baby uses crutches??

Ha, ha. Joke is on Dr. Krog!

But seriously. It went like this:

Colonel Doctor: (because he looks like Colonel Sanders, a la Scrubs) Well, you have a very nice broken toe there.

me: I figured.

Kernel Dokter: So here's a prescription for Tramodal, crutches, and a post-op boot.

me: (laughing loudly, maniacally, uncontrollably) HA HA HA HA HA

Cornell Doctor: Is that funny?

me: HA HA HA HA HA HO HO HO HO HEE HEE HEE HA.

Doctor. Colonel.: Are you okay?

me: (gasping for air) It's just so funny. My husband is on crutches for hip surgery. We can't BOTH be on crutches. We have a BABY. Somebody has to be able to DRIVE. This is hilarious! The irony is delicious!

Chicken Doc: (just stares at me)

me: And I can't take Tramodal, because I'm still nursing. I can't have any sort of fun painkillers at ALL!

Dr. Chicken: Well, call your pediatrician and see what they recommend. And when you go to bed at night, put the covers over a high-back chair so the blanket doesn't put undue pressure on your toe.

me: HA HA HA HA. Dude, I either sleep on a pull-out sofa with my husband or on my baby's floor. I don't have the leisure to be setting up comfortable chairs by my own bed! HA HA HA.

Dr. Robot Chicken: Ah, yes, well. Do the best you can, I suppose. Come back in three weeks for another x-ray.

me: FUNNIEST. INJURY. EVER.

I suspect I am not the easiest patient.

10 comments:

stinestrain said...

there are other painkillers that are ok for nursing though. tamar has a copy of Hale's book, give her a call and she can look up the info for you.

charissimo said...

Dude, vicodin! That's not gonna help you with the crutches thing, though.

hotpants™ said...

You can't even have a blanket on your toe? That thing must be jacked up. What exactly did you do?

Carol B said...

Sleep without a blanket in the winter, huh? Maybe you could wear the moonboot to protect your toe from the blanket dangers. :)

Alissa said...

You're lucky the doctor didn't have you taken away to the mental hospital. Unless maybe they are wrestling poor Mr. Sinh into a straitjacket as I type this. Is this a Christmas related injury? Does it involve kicking anything in frustration?

delilah, the unruly helpmeet said...

Well, I was exhausted from 4 hours at Ikea, carrying a frachetty baby, talking to a precocious 3 year old, sidestepping Christmas toys and Ikea boxes, and reaching for the phone, but then the couch jumped and bit me.

I totally blame the couch.

It has nothing to do with the fact that I don't pay much attention to physical space, no matter what the doorknob-shaped bruises on my hips say.

K a b l o o e y said...

Oh, man. I say call in delivery food (hmmm, door left ajar and a pile of tens under a shoe? with a note?) and just all lie together in a pile. Huddle for warmth. Watch bad movies together. Stupid couch...
Feel better soon and sorry to hear about the piggy.

Leslie said...

I think all doctors should be injured in med school, so that they understand what we have to deal with. Yikes, healing white light coming your way.

It amused me, so might amuse you:
My verification word was:forplog.

Katiri said...

forplog? that's what D. does to get krog in tha mood. :D
I have a Poang fantasy, but were I to get me one, what would I have to live for? If u see Dr. Seth Green again, drop a can o soup on his foot.

Virginia Valerie said...

Yay for Poang!!!!!