Thursday, December 10, 2009
I'm going to admit it: I'm having a hard time.
I'm not going to go on and on about why, because that's boring. But I'll tell you what I'm going to do about it.
I'm going to go all zen. Well, as zen as I can. So I'm going to use this blog to remind myself of certain things, like wearing a string around one's finger helped folks to remember to feed the goat back before iPhone apps and index cards.
I must remember:
1. That when people are most unloveable, they need the most love. Me included.
2. That when I'm at my angriest and close to lashing out at my loved ones, I'm going to step back, breathe deep, and duck underwater into calmness. Like an alligator.
3. That this, too, shall pass. That the days of interminable mess and loud noises and bad sleep and unendurable colds and child-bottom-wiping and car seat struggles only last for a few years, just a brief, magical time as fast and sticky and transient as warm honey.
4. That life requires maintenance. That things break on every house and must be fixed. That cars require work. That such irritations should be expected and planned for. That every house, no matter how big or small or fancy, has the same problems. Or worse problems.
5. That laughing makes me feel a lot better. I don't need antibiotics; I need Eddie Izzard.
6. That my creative urge won't go away just because I can't immediately satiate it. That this book is going to force its way out of me whether I lose sleep and time with loved ones or just put it off for a while. That publishing takes time. And there is plenty of time in the world.
7. That I don't have to be perfect. That sometimes, you're a total flake for a while, and true friends understand and forgive. That everyone has periods of weakness or insecurity or illness or can't-get-my-sh*t-together-ness, or maybe all of them at once. And it's perfectly normal.
8. That food doesn't make me feel better. That sleep *does*.
9. That going out and making memories for my children is better than wallowing in my house in annoyance and inertia, and that I feel better afterwards, too.
10. That I have enough of everything I need, if I just remember where to find it.
Breathe in, friends. The air is crisp and the day is fine.