You know what's a really smart idea?
Schedule minor outpatient surgery right during your baby's naptime and strap him into his stroller while they're operating. There's nothing a sleepy, hungry, angry baby likes better than sitting two feet away from you in a doctor's office while you can't touch him. And there's nothing the doctor and nurse like better than hearing him scream and watching him spew boogers like those Koopas in the clouds from Super Mario Brothers.
And then, instead of immediately grabbing him and comforting him, spend ten minutes ogling the nasty cyst they removed and asking if you can take it home to show your mother and husband. And then sigh dramatically and wish you had a camera phone. And then pick up the moist ball of miniature fury and nurse him on the table while you're not wearing pants. And then wipe the boogers off on your paper skirt.
Everyone likes that.
It was actually pretty funny. My laughter probably didn't help while they were doing the stabbing. And I was very impressed that they were able to shoot me, slice me, poke around, excise, cauterize, and sew me back up to the tune of banshee shrieks from hell and my barely contained cackling, because I always enjoy a good surgery.
And then my mom brought me souvlaki and Greek fries and tatziki from our favorite Greek restaurant and let me watch a month's worth of LA Ink On Demand while she watched TV with the Biscuit and Mr. Pissypants slept and slobbered in my lap.
It was a pretty good day. A little gross. But good.