Wednesday, September 9, 2009
godey, not grody
Dear Fashion Gods,
Can we please go back to corsets and bustles?
I'm so sick of today's fashion. So sick of shirts that expose bra pudge. So sick of pants that can't accommodate my bum. So sick of jeans that accentuate my lifelong pot belly. At first, I was mad at the pot belly, but it's been here since I was a child, so I'm starting to think that *I'm* not the problem.
Because today's fashions, at least those that I can afford and that are functional for my lifestyle, don't look good on my body. I mean, I feel great naked. I feel comfortable and beautiful. But as soon as I put on clothes and start squirming in the mirror and frowning at 'problem zones', I wish I could just spend all day in a loosely tied sarong. Fashion is determined by a level of thinness that I have never been able to obtain, so I constantly feel off, strangled, squashed, or otherwise like a hamburger in a sausage casing.
So I'd like to go back to corsets, full skirts, bustles. Nip in the middle and show off a curvy rump and ample bosom. Wrestle my trouble spots down with environmentally correct stays (no whalebone, please) and yards and yards of fabric. Since I can't gad about naked, give me some sort of fashion that makes me feel proud and womanly when I'm out on the town.
So there's my call to (plump) arms. Give me nudity or give me corsetry! Death to muffin tops! We must, we must, we must control our busts!
Or at least find shirts that fall somewhere between a muumuu and a handkerchief.
(In case you're wondering, the illustration above is from Godey's Lady's Book, the leader in 1800's fashion.)