Saturday, September 26, 2009
That was yesterday. The Biscuit was outside trying to "catch the leafs", just like last year.
A lot has happened since then.
Here I was last year at this time, just starting on the paintings for my show last January:
Great googly moogly, look at that thing! It needs its own zip code!
And here I am this year, trying to capture my awesome new wardrobe in a dirty mirror with a small person attached at my hip:
There's a 30 pound difference there, pretty much. And here is 22 of those 30 pounds:
But a lot of things have changed for me, personally, in the last year. Becoming a mother of two has really shaken my worldview. I've had to eat a lot of my words. I've had to accept that judging people is eventually going to bite me in the ass. I've learned that what worked for one child may not work for the next one. Probably won't, in fact.
I've learned that I rarely know the full story behind other peoples' decisions, that what I see in public doesn't generally scratch the surface. I've learned that sometimes you have to go against your instincts or wishes for the sake of your marriage and family, that decisions aren't always made by a list of pros and cons or the pulling of your heartstrings.
I've always been the sort of person who plays chess one move at a time. Which is perhaps why I have always sucked at chess. I'm just not a tactician. But I'm starting to look one or two moves ahead. I don't actually like chess, and I doubt I ever will, but I begin to see the wisdom in long term plans instead of just flying by the seat of my awfully cute jean skirt.
Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and apologize for judging others harshly. I remember when I was pregnant with my first child, Dr. Krog and I were having dinner at Taco Mac, sitting next to a young man and woman and their infant in a bucket seat. And I was appalled. I turned to Dr. Krog and said, "That's horrible! You're a family now, don't just ignore your poor baby and stuff it in a carseat."
If I could go back in time, I would smile at the scene, and say, "Those folks are lucky to have a few moments alone together while their baby is happy and quiet."
That was 3 years ago. This is now. And this is what I've learned:
Every family is different. Every marriage is different. Every child is different. And none of us have all the answers. The best we can do is help each other, support each other, read lots of books, and turn to Google when we're freaked out at 4am.