Thursday, August 13, 2009

baby + teeth + mouse + human ear = huh?


Where have I been for the last week or so?

Attached to that guy. Cap'n Velcro Baby. He's got two new teeth and would basically prefer to spend every waking and sleeping moment hanging off my chest like a voracious baby octopus.

So I sit here at the laptop, editing my manuscript and having the marrow sucked from my bones by a perturbed infant as my tyrannical toddler explores her feelings through tears, negativity, drama, physical violence, and dressing up like a magical princess who mostly pours crayons into cups to serve as tea.

It's been a pretty full week.

But look.

I made this dude, and he made teeth.


Now if I could just figure out a way to make him grow a second row of teeth so that I could have them transplanted into my own mouth. I inherited bum teeth, and no matter how much I floss and brush, they disintegrate. If scientists can grow human ears on the backs of hairless mice like the picture in the back of my high school yearbook promised back in 1996, surely I should be able to harvest some healthier teeth from my spawn.

Right? Right?

I lost you at the ear on the mouse, didn't I?

Look, I've got a great imagination, but it's not *that* great. Here's what I'm talking about:

I bet you wish you could get some brain bleach and just go back to ogling the chubby pirate baby, huh? And can you imagine the first person to get one of these ears?

girl: Why does your ear smell like cheese?

dude with mouse ear: What?

girl: WHY DOES YOUR EAR SMELL LIKE CHEESE?

dude w.m.e.: I'm sorry, I can't hear you. There's all this residual squeaking, like when you hold up a seashell and hear the ocean. Except it's an ocean of mice.

*

Anyway. How 'bout that local sports team?

5 comments:

laterg8r said...

omg - that ear mouse is gross!!! brain bleach indeed!!

laterg8r said...

omg - that ear mouse is gross!!! brain bleach indeed!!

Cool Mom Picks said...

rex is getting cuter by the second.

and I will have to find a way to get you back for making me look at the ear mouse thingy. yetch.

faemom said...

Where is that brain bleach?
Yes, your son is completely ooglable. (Hmm, did I spell that right? Probably not.) I'm thinking of putting it on my phone and saying this is my kid; those unruly brats, I just get payed to watch.

Caroline D. said...

for some reason I checked these comments again and it seems I commented as Cool Mom Picks. I don't know why.

weird.