Saturday, April 25, 2009

goodbye, my cupcake


So let me tell you about my latest invention: the Cupcake Drive-thru.

I find it frustrating that the foods I really desire are not available via drive-thru, especially now that I have two small children. Naturally, when I stopped at Cakes by Darcy yesterday to indulge in a cupcake, t.rex was snoring. So I called the shop, requested a cupcake, and offered an extra dollar to anyone who would run 8 feet to the curb and hand me the cupcake. It worked.

Sadly, I was only able to eat 2 bites of my cupcake. I wasn't sure what happened at the time, but I was able to piece most of it together through the joys of digital photography.


Fig. 1
Me, the Biscuit, and Clifford the Dinosaur take off our purple Wal*Mart clogs and sit down to enjoy an artfully packaged cupcake.



Fig. 2
It is an outrageously attractive cupcake.



Fig. 3
We prepare ourselves for the deliciousness.



Fig. 4
How *YOU* doin'?



Fig. 5
First bite.
NOM NOM NOM.


***
My cell phone rings, and I am held captive by a roofer,
who wants me to agree to work with his company before giving me an estimate.
I ask him if his father is the King of Nigeria and he has some money
I could transfer for him, but no luck. He won't shut up.

***


Fig. 6
When I turn around, this is what I see:



Fig. 7
I am lead to believe that this is what happened.



Fig. 8
Whereas this is probably what really happened.


So. I only got 2 bites of my cupcake, and *then* my kid was a sugarspazzbot all afternoon.

I was pissed, mostly at the roofer. Some at her. Some at myself.

***

See, that's my worst flaw as a parent, I think-- I am not very good at being unselfish.

Today, for example, the only thing I wanted to do was get together with a friend from high school, eat, and talk without being interrupted. Just for an hour. But everyone who could help me by watching the Biscuit was busy. I am last on the list, every time. Everyone else has plans. I lose. I can't complain, because this is what i've chosen to do with my life and my time, and I don't regret it. I knew that there are no breaks, time-offs, sick days, or holidays from motherhood.

But every now and then, i'd like to be the first priority and not have to feel guilty or beholden for it. Or for asking for it.

Sometimes, I just want what *I* want, when I want it, and to hell with everybody else.

Sometimes, I just want a freakin' cupcake, all for myself.

And then, sometimes, a toy dinosaur eats the cupcake while i'm talking to a roofer, and I realize that it's not going to be even remotely about *me* again until my kids are in college, and I want to cry, laugh, and choke the toy dinosaur while screaming obscenities, all at the same time, in my driveway, until the neighbor kids go inside and tell their mom that they'd like to move back to Canada.

If I had to write an advertising slogan for motherhood today, it would be:

Motherhood:
IT WILL NEVER BE YOUR CUPCAKE AGAIN.


Sniffle. Goodbye, my cupcake.

***update 5-6-09! YOU CAN BUY TEH SHIRT!***
Made by the very talented BrightCaroline of Bright Shop, see it here!

13 comments:

Tammy Howard said...

You get a little time before college. But not much. You do get to have your own cupcakes once the last one is in school. So there's that...

Don't forget about yourself, easy as it would be to do so!

Virginia Valerie said...

Sorry to hear about your cupcake - but didn't you know that dinosaurs were whores for cake? You have to be careful around them.

carma said...

that is a sad tale about your cupcake :-(
On the brighter side, I'm glad to hear that you are a fellow Andy Samberg fan! thanks for stopping by my blog :-)
carma

carma said...

had to come back and comment re: your comment - "She's like a cross-eyed Playboy mannequin in a nun's habit" - LOL
carma :D

jarvenpa said...

/BV UR\

Um, my cat has adjusted my keyboard.
Okay then...it was a beautiful cupcake. Such a beautiful cupcake.

*sigh*

Motherhood was the most difficult task I ever undertook. Still is.

But you get to play with dinos sometimes, and that's cool.

Spotted Sparrow said...

Wanting some time for yourself is NOT selfish! You totally deserve it and shouldn't feel guilty about it.

Jenny Penny said...

Drive-thru cupcakes? That's a million-dollar idea! I'd also like drive-thru fruit stands actually. Loved the part about the King of Nigeria. I know that guy...

Kristi said...

I think you should go to Cafepress NOW and put your new slogan on bumper stickers and all the other tchotchkes they sell.

Also, you know Angela from MDC/ Friday playgroup? Her husband is a roofer and I'm sure he'll give you a no-strings-attached estimate. If you haven't hired someone, PM me on MDC and I'll give you her phone number.

Virginia Valerie said...

Cupcake dreams http://www.cupcake-dreams.com/ will deliver you 12 cupcakes for $36. Expensive, yes. But delivered!

Kristina P. said...

I LOVE cupcakes, and just discovered a drive thru cupcake place in our area.

I decided to get the mini cupcakes, and they weren't joking about the mini! They were one bite.

I'm going to NYC in July, probably, and I was online scouting out the best cupcake places in the city!

Caroline D. said...

ROTFL.

Preceisely how I feel about motherhood, and I am NOT graceful about sharing with my kids sometimes.

If fact, *occasionally* it puts me in a rage.

Want to put your slogan on a tee shirt. Cause I can do that. And I would wear it. Hot dog, holy crap, cheese and crackers, piss in a bucket, it's a good slogan.

delilah said...

Carrie, if you want to collaborate on a line of shirts for hip but secretly selfish moms, i'm in.

I'm picturing it with a little cupcake with a cherry on top, line drawings like in your shop, and the cherry has a frownie face, and there is a bite out of the cupcake.

Caroline D. said...

sketch it out, and let's do it. totalee

also:
i want one that says "Motherhood: it's not your bed anymore"

that makes me sad.