Thursday, March 19, 2009
rock me, hashimoto
Did you know that I am diseased?
I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis at the tender age of 26. I could quote a bunch of pabulum from Wikipedia or WebMD, but suffice it to say that my body is attacking and eating my thyroid gland, which is located in the neck area and plays Wizard of Oz to most of the body's glands.
Although there is no cure to this annoying autoimmune disease, the good news is that life goes on as normal as long as I take thyroid replacement hormone every single day under very tender conditions involving delicate timing, food, calcium, sleep, water, and hamster juggling.
So as long as the world stays about like it is, i'm fine. However, when the zombiepocalypse comes, i'm in deep trouble. Although the drug Synthroid is an exact chemical replacement of the sweet, sweet thyroid hormone I need, the only way to get it in nature is by eating pig glands. And can you think of anything more annoying and disgusting than slaughtering a huge, hairy pig and eating a big, ol', flappy gland?
Trying to explain the concept to Dr. Crog several years ago, I did extensive research and created this illustration:
To be honest, I don't remember why there are skeletons holding cupcakes. I just remember something about me getting fat and powerful with a goiter while everyone else starves to death. And I apparently have pink elephant toes, too. And there are coconuts in Georgia for my coconut bra.
But the goiter is clearly there from a thyroid gland run amok.
I like to think of myself as a very sophisticated self-cannibal.