Saturday, February 21, 2009

Nutty McCrackhead's Variety Hour

Children's TV these days is truly disturbing. No Smurfs. No Snorks. No Shirttail Gang. Instead there's a creepy little girl who sleeps with a naked monkey and a giant purple frog larvae thing with false teeth that holds children hostage. Yes, i'm talking about Dora and Barney. May they rot in Disneys foulest dumpster.

But there's a new kid in town called Yo Gabba Gabba that freaks me out even more. Here's how it goes:

An insane man in a tall, furry hat and a fluorescent orange jumpsuit be-bops out with a giant boombox suitcase full of creepy monster figurines. He sets them on a toy stage, and they come to life as people in creepy monster suits. They all have arm issues and just fling themselves back and forth while singing scary, nonsensical, robotic songs. See?


I think the only possible response to a picture like that is: WTF?

It's wrong on so, so many levels, and i'm usually wildly in favor of nonsensical wackiness. But... look at those freaks? Jim Henson is rolling over his his muppety grave to think of such monstrosities. It reminds me of the senior theses in art school where kids just try to outweird eachother for freak points. The red and pink ones look vaguely anatomical in a diseased sort of way, and the two animal ones look like something you'd see at a rave for furries. The robot is like a cross between a tin can, a banana, and Bender Bending Rodriguez. As for the dude in orange, I just don't think grown men should ever wear spandex jumpsuits. EVER. Especially in front of children.

The songs are like Radiohead's latest side project, if Thom Yorke was strung out on LSD-laced Twinkies. And all the children in the vignettes between the scary dancing monsters are wearing shirts featuring the scary dancing monsters, so you don't even get a break there.

I've seen it once, and i'm flummoxed. Who would write such a thing, and who would agree to produce it? I did not believe that something more ridiculous than TeleTubbies could exist. And yet it does. And children love it. And it makes loads and loads of cash. More than i'll probably see in a lifetime.

If there is proof in the world that someone has sold their soul to the devil, I think it is the popularity of Yo Gabba Gabba.

Oh, and Paris Hilton.

7 comments:

delilah said...

Oh, good gravy. I just Wiki'd it. Created by an emo musician/actor and featured all sorts of famous people and has won a bunch of awards.

And you know what? I still don't like it.

My Indian name was Pressure-Per-Square-Inch said...

hahaha and you wonder why the 80s are coming back? I think because children of that area are becoming parents and don't want to suffer though the crazy stuff people are coming up with nowadays.

That said, Pewee Herman was some pretty messed up shit.

Cranky Mama said...

I love Yo Gabba Gabba. And so do my kids. At least the music is decent and the message is kindness and eating veggies and being decent. Not like those horrible Dora and Diego creatures at all. DJ Lance ROCKS!

delilah said...

Huh. Those sound like messages I can support. I can be a bit judgmental, and I also don't generally like cutting edge music. But I hate Dora, so how bad can it be?

stinestrain said...

You? Judgmental? Noooooo.... :P

My kid loves yo gabba gabba. I'm not a fan, it hasn't grown on me like some of the other things I initially hated either (someday I'll tell you about how I almost threw out our first backyardigans DVD) ;)

delilah said...

Yeah, I cop to it. I'm trying to be a better person, it just takes a lot of time and energy, you know? ;)

EttyOop said...

If you think Yo Gabba Gabba is disturbing in general, you should see the part with Elijah Wood (creepy in his own right) doing his dance. The Puppet Master. It's just... *shudder*

But my baby is always mesmerized when her daddy flips channels and that's on. He always needs to stop for her to stare for a few minutes, and alas spend less time watching his golf crap. And it DOES have decent messages *shrug* It's just kind of weird....