Tuesday, January 27, 2009

spamalot

I'm going to go out on a limb here and confess that I hate spam in both a physical and non-physical way. I don't like the little blue can of processed pig noses, and I don't like the junk that builds up in my Bulk folder at the rate of approximately 50 entries a night. Here are my thoughts on some of today's spam.

1. >>>ACAI SUPERCLEANSE
Look, just because i'm a white woman in my 30's who likes to go to Trader Joe's doesn't mean that when I see two popular health trends listed in the same Subject header, i'm going to click on it. Why not say "ORGANIC ACAI ANTIOXIDANT NONI JUICE SUPERCLEANSE WITH STEVIA", if you really want my attention?

2. Are You Single? - View Pic's of Local Singles
Not funny by itself, but hilarious when immediately followed by the Subject "BREAST IMPLANTS". That's like the time I had the super-spam combination of the following unrelated but alphabetically listed headlings:
ARE YOU FAT?
ARE YOU SINGLE?
LOSE WEIGHT NOW!

It's like a spam conspiracy.

3. DisHD Free - Free 4-Room System Installation Only $19.99
Huh. How much is it? I see a FAIL.

4. REUNION.COM - 1 New Person Has Searched For You
That's amazing! Since I received 3 of these emails, I guess that means 3 new people searched for me. I must be quite popular! You'd think they could just condense the email to tell me that "3 New People Have Searched For You". When you add this up with the 2 I got yesterday, the 1 on Sunday, the 3 on Saturday... I will soon take over the world. Like Oprah. No, really.

5. SinglesNet - COME MEET 2 NEW SINGLES!
I wonder why they only have 2. Maybe it's a start-up? Or just 2 guys looking to meet chicks and hoping for a monopoly? Or siamese twins? Or maybe they're the only two single guys who won't insist that I have breast implants? That would make sense.

6. WALMART REWARDS - SOMEONE HAS SENT YOU A WAL-MART GIFT CARD
How thoughtful! Three people apparently sent me Wal*Mart gift cards today, even though the only people I know who shop there are my parents. And Wal*Mart has decided to play with the punctuation in their brand name, too. I should definitely go in there and give them my social security number to secure my card. And click on some links.

7. YouCanBeDebtFree - Debt Free options are now available
Yes, like bankruptcy and being a hobo. In addition to the original option of being fiscally responsible. But they don't like to advertise that one.


1 comment:

Heather said...

I'm always amused by the ones that offer to increase that certain member of the male anatomy, assuming I have one.
I don't have one. If I did, my straight husband would be less interested in me. There's no reason I want one, or a larger one.
Yeah, those are GREAT. (PS, I was obtuse for delicate readers. You're welcome :D)