Friday, November 21, 2008

why midwives > doctors

So i'm supposedly 38 weeks and 4 days along, although it's iffy. Doctors count the "average" pregnancy as 40 weeks, although the actual average is more like 41 weeks 1 day. Many doctors will let you go up to 42 weeks, although most prefer to induce between 41 and 42. After 42, according to the statistics, it gets dangerous for all concerned. Blah blah blah.

I'm done. I look done. I definitely feel done. I am like a turkey with that little thing popped out of it.

And here is what my beloved midwife said when she walked in the room today for my weekly appointment, because they make you show up once a week to be sure you haven't exploded or gone postal.

Midwife: WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? HAVE THAT BABY!

Me: I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE! I WANT TO HAVE THE BABY!

Midwife: Well, there's not much I can do about it. You're ready. Go eat some Scalini's eggplant parm and have lots of nookie.

Me: That sounds horrific. Isn't there something else you or I can do?

Midwife: Sorry, honey. It's up to you. I just catch 'em.

That's so much better than some dude in a white coat making me undress in a cold room and putting me in the most uncomfortable situation possible outside of the back of a Volkswagon, then threatening me with induction or surgery if I don't go into labor before Thanksgiving and/or his next golf game.

God bless the midwives!

3 comments:

Valerie said...

Your midwife is awesome. I heard a news story awhile back about women going to a particular restaurant to get a salad that was loaded with balsamic vinegar dressing. Maybe balsamic will work for you?

stinestrain said...

not all OBs do that, and there are plenty of "med"wives that do ;)

you should go to scalinis. while you're there, ask if I can still get the t-shirt over a year later for my scalini's baby!

delilah said...

Well, we know *your* OB doesn't do that, but we also know that he is a rare bird. =) I'm just sayin' my midwife rocks, is all.

And you can have Cleo's shirt when she outgrows it... I think it's an 18 month or so.