On the way home from a dinner with the fam-o-lee, Dr. Crog and I heard one of those breathy, sleazy commercials for an adult "entertainment" shop. Some half-drunk ho-ho seductively slurred that we could choose "from over 18,000 of the finest adult toys, starting at only $5.99".
And we were like... isn't this one area where you want to spend a couple of extra dollars to make sure you get *quality*? I mean, if it breaks... you're in the Emergency Room with a flashlight. Or you get a nasty electric shock and smell like burned hair for a week. It's not like opting for the Wal-Mart brand of cola, where you just grimace and go on with your life. You could get seriously hurt, or at least desperately embarrassed.
So we tried to come up with ideas for "The $5.99 (or less) Special":
* cork on a string
* cantaloupe with a hole in it
* ziploc baggie of pudding
* root beer bottle with a rubber glove
* nude photo of Cloris Leachman
* paper bag of clothespins and a tube of Icy Hot
And much worse things that Dr. Crog wouldn't want his work colleagues to read about.
So there's your public service announcement for the night:
Buy the generic Lucky Charms at the Piggly Wiggly and use the $2 you saved to make sure your significant other doesn't end up with a lifelong scar and a horrible story about you.