Wednesday, July 23, 2008

pregnancy dreams 2.0

Last night's dream:

I wake up in the underground parking deck of our local Publix, surrounded by my high school reunion of hippies camping out in their cars. I have been sleeping in a conversion van alone, when I find I have given birth to the baby while I was asleep. I assume that, like when I watched Schindler's List, my body and brain got overloaded with too much pain during the birth and went to sleep, and then the baby popped out while I was snoozing.

The baby is a dachshund.

A wet, gooey, lumpy-headed, ugly, snaggly-toothed dachshund.

And when I try to nurse it, it yanks my bosoms out about 2 feet with its snaggly teeth.

Craig is asleep in a 1985 Toyota Corolla next to my van. He is as surprised as I am. We're not quite sure what to do.

So we go see my parents, who present us with a baby gift of brand new puppy clones of their annoying chihuahuas. I start crying because I think i'm going to have to nurse three puppies at once, which would suck.

Then my friend Heidi shows up with the most beautiful new baby ever, born the same night, named Hyacinth. Heidi is not pregnant now, nor was she in the dream; she just spontaneously birthed a perfect, red-headed baby. My dream self is extremely jealous, because all I have is the world's ugliest dachshund and a 32DDDDD chest. Then the ugly dachshund baby turns into a perfectly wonderful little baby boy, and we all laugh together like we're in a bad play.

Helllooooo, hormones!

1 comment:

Valerie said...

Wow, this is amazing. I'm so glad you're writing this stuff down!