Friday, July 11, 2008

me vs. the geezers

I know, I know... i'm supposed to respect my elders. And I generally do.

But these days, anyone can be an elder. It doesn't take wit and stamina and wisdom to live past 60. It just takes some good doctors, vitamins, an remembering not to wear Crocs near the escalator. So I think that a lot of current day elders aren't quite as deserving of respect as they used to be, the grandparents of any readers excepted.

I went to Lowe's to buy paint, and after I was nearly run off the road by an octogenarian in a Lexus SUV, I found myself talking to an older gentleman in front of the Olympic non-VOC paint section. It went something like this:

Geezer: Can I help you?
Me: Yes, I'm trying to choose a paint color. I want a warm tan that doesn't contain any green.
Geezer: The greens are over here.
Me: Yes, I'm trying to AVOID green. The last color I purchased was called "Mesa", and it looked tan here, but it turned the color of pea soup in my bathroom.
Geezer: What was it called?
Me: Mesa.
Geezer: WHAT?
Me: MESA!!
Geezer: Give me a moment.
(lumbers over to computer, muddles around for 5 minutes, lumbers back over)
Geezer: Ah, here it is. Mesa Cream.
Me: Yes, this is light yellow. The color I had was TAN, but in my bathroom, which has no natural light, it turned GREEN. It looked like pea soup. It looked like vomit. I DON'T WANT THAT. I WANT TAN.
Geezer: We also have a darker "Mesa".
Me: No, I don't want Mesa. I want TAN. Just plain tan.
Geezer: All these are tan.
Me: I know, i'm holding some paint swatches right here. I just want to know which ones have no green in them.
Geezer: You want green in them?
Me: No, I want NO GREEN. NO GREEN AT ALL.
Geezer: Well, they all have green. All the colors have all sorts of colors in them. Heh heh heh.
Me: Yes, I know how you mix the paint, but I just want TAN. What's your most popular tan?
Geezer: Tan is very popular.
Me: NNNNGGGHHHH!!!!

And it went on and on like that. I finally took a big handful of swatches down to the lighting area and held them under warm bulbs to see how they changed. I chose my color and brought it to the counter. 10 minutes later, I stopped by the counter to find the same old man doing nothing. When I asked if my paint was ready, he said, "Oh, I didn't know you were ready for me to make it." And, again, I said, "NNNNNGH!"

Finally, 3o minutes later, I left with my two paint colors, which, lord willing, will work and not be in any way, shape or form greenish or resembling of a mesa.

I don't know which is worse: dealing with young, rude people with no manners or dealing with older, kind people who are deaf and unhelpful. With a child strapped to my back and Shmoo-induced potty breaks every 30 minutes, I just don't have the time to stand around shouting about the popularity of tan.

I respect my elders, sure, but they sometimes really irritate the crap out of me.

1 comment:

Emile said...

If that doesn't work, try classic taupe by behr or whatever they make that's a shade lighter...