Monday, June 30, 2008

gumdrops suck

Venturing out from bashing maternity clothes, I need to take a few moments to explain why I hate gumdrops so much.

I see one in a movie or read about one in a book, and I start thinking, "Gee, i've got to get some gumdrops!" And then I do, and I eat approximately 4, and I throw them in the trash. Why?

1. Despite looking delectable, they always taste stale and nasty, like they were carefully aged in someone's great aunt's parlor in an ugly crystal dish next to the key to a '78 Renault and a set of dentures.

2. The flavors are all wrong. Red should be cherry or fruit punch, but it's nasty cinnamon. Orange is actually orange, but it's gross orange. Yellow should be lemon, but it is, bizarrely and inextricably, also cinnamon. Green should be lime or apple, but it's mint. Again, gross mint. Purple is vaguely purplish tasting, but definitely not grape-inspired. White tastes like sugar. What on earth is wrong with the people who flavor gumdrops? It is not 1842, and we're not looking for horehound and sarsparilla!

3. The texture of the gumminess and sugar bits is so enticing, and the reality is so, so disappointing.

I think they should sell a new gumdrop, with the same size, shape, texture, and colors, but the flavors should be revolutionized for today's young, hip, candy consumer who still retains teeth and taste buds.

So, um, guess who bought a bag of gumdrops after watching a Little People video? Right. Me.

I'm an idiot. And gumdrops still suck.

2 comments:

Valerie said...

Oh, you make me laugh! You know, my most recent gumdrop experience left me confused because they were red and green gumdrops in a christmassy package, and they tasted like cherry and lime. I was so expecting cinnamon and mint! Sorry to burst your bubble, but these flavors were gross too.

Perhaps we should move on to those grapefruit triangle gumdroppy candies?

Misty said...

Mmmmmm - sarsparilla....There's a flavor I'd buy! LOL.