Sunday, April 6, 2008

is that suicide, homicide, or porkicide?

I saw the most terrifying thing today over by the mall.

In front of "Famous Dave's BBQ", there was this... thing. Waving at me, enticing me to come enjoy Dave's Famous BBQ and other nasty, fat-ridden fixins.

It was a person...
in a pig suit...
wearing a chef's outfit...
with teeny little person hands.

It did not make me hungry at all. I mean, a person in a pig suit is one thing. We all like to put on big, sweaty, nasty, smelly animal suits every now and then and stand on busy roads waving at people. But then why the chef's outfit? Is this intimating that the pig WANTS to be eaten? And why not have pig hands? The tiny, incongruous person hands sticking out of the big fat pig suit were just creepy. Just soooo creepy.

And what if, underneath it all, there was really a pig in a person suit in the pig suit in the chef suit?

If that doesn't blow your mind, baby, nothing will. So head on down to Famous Dave's today for a BBQ sandwich made of some sort of animal wearing some sort of suit who may or may not have been wanting to be killed and eaten. Or something. Just yuck.

3 comments:

Jillian, Ryan and Benjamin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
elaine said...

I've never quite understood the animal advertising itself to be eaten.... reminds me of an SNL episode about "Cluckin' Chicken" restaurant:
Dad: "Hey Clucky, why's the cluckin' chicken so chick-a-licious"
Clucky: "Everybody knows why. It's 'cause I'm flame-broiled! Yow-zee-yow-dow! But that's not all - I'm cooked fresh! First my head's cut off! [ the cook chops Clucky's head off and send it flying through the restaurant ] Heads up! [ Clucky's head appears before another chicken being gutted ] Then I'm plucked and gutted - my intestines are pulled out. Trust me, you don't want 'em! Whee! Look at me! I'm gettin' quartered and split breasts, wings, the whole nine yards! Chopitty, chop! Then the pieces of me get flame-broiled. Hear that sizzle? That's me! 550 degrees! Good thing I'm dead, or yow-wee! Then I'm seasoned just right, and ready to go! [ takes a bite of a piece of chicken ] Hey, I'm good! Finally, I'm served to you, so you can chew me, swallow me, and convert me into waste matter. [ peers into the toilet ] Ga-ga-ga-gooey!"

delilah said...

elained, I think you've just said it all. Although the SNL bit does call to mind Al Sharpton's.... Casa del Sushi.... Al Sharpton's.... Casa del Sushi....