Friday, January 25, 2008

the quiet things that no one ever knows

I hate coathangers. They're just so damned uppity.

I also hate artists who list prints as "originals" on etsy.com because the print is a print of an original work of art. No, idiot, it refers to a print vs. the original, not the fact that you made a piece of artwork *all by yourself* and are now selling color copies of it!

I used to hate sweet potatoes, but now I don't. I like them fried or sliced thin and baked with cinnamon.

I do not, however, like parsnips, which taste like angry carrots.

I think Daniel Craig is the best James Bond of them all, even Sean Connery and Roger Moore.

I like Jason Statham movies and Clive Cussler's Dirk Pitt novels.

I prefer painting at night, especially in the 8 - 11pm range.

I generally go 3 - 4 days between washing my hair.

I enjoy dressing my daughter like Punky Brewster in purple, magenta, pink, and blue.

I don't like Jack Johnson because he wears flip flops with jeans and looks like a date rapist.

I like scanning the Missed Connections on craigslist because I think it gives hope to all the quiet people in the world who don't have the guts to talk to people that pique their interest. I like to imagine nerds finding each other there, meeting at the bookstore, and curling up at night to watch High Fidelity and eat those BonBon candies that we used to sell in French Club while they fall in nerdy love. I lead a rich inner life, you know.

I like that BBC TV show "You Are What You Eat" in which that freaky little Jillian woman with no credentials calls out fat people and makes them drink liquified celery. I only get to watch it at my parents' house if Cleo is napping between 4 and 5, but that makes it all the sweeter when Jillian puts a raw pig's ear on a hot dog bun and the guest pukes offscreen.

Ever since I heard Garfield mention it in 5th grade, I think of grated coconut as tiny albino spiders. And I think of orange juice pulp as the discarded legs of processed shrimp.

There. You learn something every day, don't you?

2 comments:

mamamilkers said...

I love your list :)

I used to religiously read the "I Saw U" section of our weekly paper, I also loved the idea of people finding each other.

stinestrain said...

When I had really long hair I also only washed every 3-4 days. Then when I had really short hair I would just wash it every day. Now that it's in the middle I wash it ever 2-3 days. Right in the middle.

short hair was so much easier to care for. too bad my 2nd child turned me into a mushroom head.